@OhNoSheTwitnt: Twilight and Hostess are over. It's a sad day for fat girls.
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@Sandrahadenough: Hubby: This dinner is not gonna make itself!!!!! And that ladies and Gentleman is how I starred on "COPS"
@batkaren: *lights dim in restaurant* DATE: did it just become sexier in here? ME: I CAN'T SEE MY MENU
@dysalexia: You guys I found this new great birth control called pregnant women posting pictures on Facebook.
@BuckyIsotope: *pregnant wife wakes up* I think my water broke *I hide the Kool-Aid packet and water jug I spilled in bed* Let’s go to the hospital