@Sandrahadenough: Hubby: This dinner is not gonna make itself!!!!! And that ladies and Gentleman is how I starred on "COPS"

@batkaren: *lights dim in restaurant* DATE: did it just become sexier in here? ME: I CAN'T SEE MY MENU

@dysalexia: You guys I found this new great birth control called pregnant women posting pictures on Facebook.

@BuckyIsotope: *pregnant wife wakes up* I think my water broke *I hide the Kool-Aid packet and water jug I spilled in bed* Let’s go to the hospital

@dafloydsta: *stares into distance* Distance: Please stop staring. It's rude.