@WickedCynic: Autocorrect changed "meeting" to "mating" and now my boss and I aren't meeting with Bob after work.
@internetluke: TAYLOR SWIFT: I knew you were trouble when you walked in
ME (wearing ski mask and holding up gun): what gave it away?
@ryangriffiths: Todays stats: My 3yr old got pissed off with me because I couldn't stop the wind.
@nurserycrimes: a romantic scene where we're running toward each other but then i run past you and pick up your dog
@DaddyJew: 7: can I have a pop tart?
Me: we're going to eat dinner soon
7: this will be my dinner
Me: fine but at least have a strawberry one
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