@OhNoSheTwitnt: Twilight and Hostess are over. It's a sad day for fat girls.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: *looks at our pig* Which pig is she? Me: What do you mean? 4: Is her house made of bricks or sticks?
@Schmoodles: #ThoughtsInMyHead 1. How much wine can a cat drink? 2. How do you resuscitate a drunk cat? 3. Will they do an autopsy on a dead cat?
@MizzSlaughter: Take your time, Officer. I have nothing but respect for the law. Your imminent death on this dark side street can wait.
@tastefactory: You should always choose B) on multiple choice tests because it looks like a cool sunglasses face. That guy knows what he's talking about.