@DanMentos: billy joel: we didn’t start the fire detective: I haven’t mentioned a fire billy joel: shit

@lemonmartinis: How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some earbuds in your pocket 2) wait one minute

@behindyourback: Birds do it/Bees do it/Even educated fleas do it/Let's do it/Let's make people super nervous anytime we're in their personal space

@JessicaVarsity: I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone's house on fire. Either way, I'm prepared.

@ambienbabe: I say "fight me" a lot for a girl that's 5'2" and has a tough time opening some doors because they're too heavy.