@Kyle_Lippert: Researchers have found why bears hibernate. "They're sad due to a break up" said one. "It's been a year Brent. Move on. I have" said another

@KateQFunny: Just got off 30 min phone call w a friend who has twin 2 yr olds, & even tho i havent had sex in a week I'm taking a morning after pill NOW.

@ryaninco: North Korea is becoming like that annoying person that always threatens to close their Twitter account from lack of attention.

@LinajkReturns: If he buys your drink, but you're really not interested? Smile at him, thank him and then stick the olive up your nose.

@Puncroaker: My superhero name is Typoman. I am the writer of wrongs.