@StevePeers: Twitter, 2016 (HT @iShami_ )
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@bourgeoisalien: I miss being a baby and having milestones. No one cares if you're an adult and can lift your head or roll over on a blanket.
@BradBroaddus: My aunt's ex-boyfriend's mailman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.
@DamienFahey: I love restaurants that have signs like "Since 1916". It's a great way to know the place you're eating at was probably super racist.
@MomOnFire: Son: Mom, why are you always showing up at my school on chicken nugget day? Me: *literally salivating* Here to see you, buddy.