@fro_vo: Guy Who Invented the Jet Engine: this will revolutionize the travel industry Guy Who Really Hates Geese: yeah that too

@DethOnTwoLegs: The human body is 90% water, so we're basically just cucumbers with anxiety.

@Mr_goose007: The pot called the kettle black. The pot is silver............we now have a situation in the kitchen.

@TheTweetOfGod: Don't take this the wrong way, but you're all horrible sinners and you're going to hell.

@AndyAsAdjective: [checks Facebook & sees my 4th grade girlfriend has liked my hot chocolate recipe share] ME: I knew she'd come crawling back to me one day