@riverpig12: Twitter : bc in real life Smart, funny, beautiful women are not following us anywhere.
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@ilovepie84: I can help anyone quit smoking by spraying them with hair spray as they light their cigarette.
@NottaBigDeal: I stand in the tampon aisle and when a woman reaches for a box, I snicker and say "you're gross".
@astutenewf: When I'm bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
@juliussharpe: At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I'm forty. I have one.