@Reverend_Scott: [first date] "So, I heard you work at the circus." [shallows bread stick whole] Nope. "You sure about that?" [chewing on glass] Yup

@mollymcnearney: Woman cut me off, stole my parking spot. I honked, flipped her off and went into yoga. Woman came into class as the instructor. Namaste.

@famouscrab: some babies are born premature but i was born very mature i just came out and i was like so what

@andylassner: The Samsung Galaxy is a cool phone if you don't mind carrying around a 42" screen.

@Cpez38: *points w/ middle finger* "Sure, take this road for about another mile, pull over & go ask someone else" - Me giving directions.