@Parentpains: Twitter, because I owe people on Facebook money.
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@Thrill_Tweeter: Twitter - to help future generations discover if there's ever been any mental illness in the family.
@Fred_Delicious: Comic Sans walks into a bar. Barman says "sorry we don't serve your type in here"
@iwearaonesie: wife: The school called. Guess why? [flashback to me telling my son every answer on his math homework was 69] me: Why?
@trojansauce: [rap battle] *drops the mic* *scrambles around trying to pick up the mic* [20min earlier] *other guy covering my mic in butter*