@archerenemy: Twitter...because if it can't be described in 140 characters or less, did it really ever happen?
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@jonnysun: there was a girl on tv show who was crying sayin "i miss america" and it was real sad until someone corected her grammar and gave her a sash
@Lisabug74: If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
@noog: People act like weed is the worst thing for short-term memory. Go drink 15 beers and see if you can remember your name or how legs work.
@NoTheOtherJohn: ME: *spills red wine on carpet* I am so sorry MY GIRLFRIEND'S DAD: That's ok. So John, what do you do? ME: *pulls carpet cleaning spray from my bag* Funny you should ask..