@archerenemy: Twitter...because if it can't be described in 140 characters or less, did it really ever happen?
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@AimeeHelene1: If I don't make this right hand turn going exactly 3 mph, the entire universe will explode & everyone will die. - the lady in front of me
@ShockTartBionic: I'm like Jason Bourne, only I'm not looking for exits in each room.. I'm looking for outlets & phone chargers.
@J0hnnyBlaze: "Omg, I literally just died" -people who literally don't know what literally means
@jaxxygrant: Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.