@archerenemy: Twitter...because if it can't be described in 140 characters or less, did it really ever happen?
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@mrjohndarby: My family gather round while the lawyer quietly reads my will. He hands out 1 hot dog each and when they finish eating he asks them to leave
@jasonroeder: The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, "That's how I want you to do it."
@Goofpoops: If Kevin Spacey doesn't sign his name like this Kevin E Then he's pretty damn stupid...
@oakhillbargrill: Google just threw a drink in my face I deserved it I have no business asking those questions