@Parentpains: Twitter, because my work isn't just going to ignore itself.
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@jordan_stratton: I don't want to be cremated when I die. I want my body thrown on a group of unsuspecting, cocky teens in a haunted house.
@jeffpfeifer66: Moaning and gasping "Give it to me baby!" during a prostate exam will leave you looking for a new doctor. Anybody know one?
@ch000ch: sorry, standing outside your house with a sign that says "prom?" was probably a confusing way to ask u what prom means
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Just found out there's a bug called the tarantula hawk wasp and I'm like holy shit maybe just pick one terrifying predator to name it after.