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@Parentpains: Twitter, because my work isn't just going to ignore itself.
@TheFakeCNN: GOP threatens to shutdown government unless Obama changes color of skin.
@Seinfeld2000: 7 thoughts u have when buzfeed steals ur content
-why is a multimilion dollar website riping off my twiter
@SuperRandomish: I imagine the best part about driving a smart car is that when there's no parking spots you can just put it in your backpack.
@smickable: 50% off moms tomorrow!
@KyleMcDowell86: A cop pulled me over because he thought I was talking on a cell phone but really I was just rubbing a slice of pizza on the side of my face