@Carbosly: Twitter. Finally an app that makes people stop at yellow lights.
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@Mr_Kapowski: If you wear a cape to a meal, you can spin it around to the front and have a full sized bib for eating
@lucidchemistry: [in bed] her: u have done this before, right? me: yes, of course. measure twice, cut once her: what? me: what?
@Mr_Kapowski: After incorrectly spelling my symptoms at least 100 times, WebMD kicked back "Listen idiot, you're drunk. Just go lay down"