@VerifiedDrunk: Twitter handles are what would happen if the DMV let everyone put whatever they wanted on their license plates.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 6-year-old: Where did the tornado go? Me: Don't worry. It's gone. 6: To where? Me: It just disappeared 6: Isn't that a little bit fishy?
@icrushedmyhalo: Raise the roof! The roof is on fire! Hit the club! Bust those moves! Burning the dance floor! - RL partying sounds so violent
@Miciura: Honesty is the best policy, unless you're trying to return something that you've already worn.
@llvvzz: I wish I would have listened to my grandma when she told me one day I'd regret not focusing harder on my hitman career.