@VerifiedDrunk: Twitter handles are what would happen if the DMV let everyone put whatever they wanted on their license plates.
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@JaneBadall: My son approaches even small chores with the enthusiasm of a POW forced to build a railway bridge over the river Kwai.
@TheHyyyype: ME: seen the loch ness monster? HER: it's not real M: *unzips pants* wanna bet? H: *rolls eyes* sure M: k i'll pee and then we'll google it
@MAB1013: I gave myself whiplash. It couldn't be helped. Bohemian Rhapsody came on, and my kids weren't gonna teach themselves how to head bang.