@jrsalzman: Twitter has taught me a couple things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world. Second, they are vastly outnumbered.
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@MichaelTrying: Darwin is a genius. Just realized I'm attracted to women in glasses because I'm more likely to reproduce with a woman who can't see me well.
@PaperWash: *Takes ex girlfriend's poem on Antiques Road Show* Sir these are worthless *Winks at camera* Told you Karen!
@Be___Dope: :office birthday party: CW: Would you like to sign the card? Me: Nah, just here for the cake. Karen will understand. CW: His name is Joe.