@_MustBeArkaydia: Twitter is all fun and games until you get that text asking what that tweet was about.
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@funnybeachgirl: "I'M NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS!!!" (Seductively takes baby dragon out of Gucci purse & lights cigarette.)
@abbycohenwl: Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor? Vet: I treat horses but maybe i can help M: My son broke his leg! V: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck
@rolldiggity: 1. Take dozens of pictures of yourself sleeping. 2. Put them in coworker's drawer. 3. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!"
@ZingingCutie: If I end up on life support, feel free to pull the plug.. However, if I'm charging my phone, stay the hell away from the outlet.