@Marlebean: {Company meeting} Pres: Our biggest fears have come true... *I run to check on the donuts *Stroll back in, spitting crumbs "what's wrong?"

@MEQ_777: Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend

@lasergirl70: Forget the fad diets, I'm gonna lose weight the old fashioned way - by not having enough money for food.

@LindaInDisguise: If my partner didn't want me to wear yoga pants because they make me too attractive to other men, I'd respect his wishes and take them off.

@girlontapas: Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There's liquor and you can't hear them.