@canadian_jane: Twitter is cool because it makes me look like I'm texting my friends instead of talking to myself.
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@Fred_Delicious: [Girlfriend looks at me in disgust] "Did u just propose using emojis?" ... "Technically its called a propoji, but yes" [She's already gone]
@Ty_Schutz: I like to leave odd yelp reviews for fast food restaurants that say things like, "Not overly racist."
@SarahMJade: When people ask me for directions Im just going to do a really slow sarcastic Macarena .