@canadian_jane: Twitter is cool because it makes me look like I'm texting my friends instead of talking to myself.
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@TuffyNyC: "Statistics show that most shark attacks happen in shallow water." Really? Maybe cus that's where the ppl are u idiots.
@WheelTod: When I get depressed about an underperforming tweet, I think about starving kids in Africa & how lucky they are to never experience my pain.
@OldFolkProblms: My favorite thing to do when my grandkids visit is to bake a big batch of fresh cookies. Then I eat them all by myself. Screw those kids.