@canadian_jane: Twitter is cool because it makes me look like I'm texting my friends instead of talking to myself.
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@mostunladylike: He leans in, looks into my eyes, and lowers the lights. I go in for the kiss. And now I'm being escorted out of the opticians.
@Liber_what: Me: hey squirrel, dnt steal d pigeon's food, the eggs are about to hatch S: u stole a cake frm ur roomate Me: Me: here, take the eggs too
@noog: Squirrels run around like they're being chased. Nobody cares about you. You live in tree. Get a job
@Screwoff315: I'm tired of this long distance relationship! Time to move the liquor cabinet to the living room!