@canadian_jane: Twitter is cool because it makes me look like I'm texting my friends instead of talking to myself.
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@The_JRM: 5yo's pretending she's a tourist at a hotel. All good, but I draw the line when my services are criticized because the "toilet's too cold."
@david8hughes: [first day as detective] Me: looks like he was shot in the head Partner: any sign of forced entry? Me [pointing at bullet wound]: well yeah