@Home_Halfway: Twitter is great if you can't afford therapy but you also don't want to get any better.
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@errdayhustlah: My kid sat on the floor of a public restroom, so I had to throw him away and now I have to make a new one. Parenting is hard, you guys.
@WheelTod: *Calling from the bakery Me: "Honey, can I get you something: a muffin, eclair, a cupcake?" Her: "Surprise me!" Me: "I think I'm gay"
@SheeeRatchet: Black girls twerk, Hispanic girls hip roll, Indian girls belly dance & white girls watch.