@JessicaVarsity: Twitter is like a dog: There's always someone who loves you for you... there's also always someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CodyJP9412: GUY SPIDER: (after sex) omg I can't wait to see my son GIRL SPIDER: *putting on bib* yeah, about that..
@XplodingUnicorn: Old high school classmate: Really? You're about to have your 4th child? Me: Are you surprised I like kids? Him: I'm surprised you had sex.
@SteveSuckington: [comes home from store] Wife: [shaking her head] Let me guess... earmuffs were on sale? Me: [wearing 17 pairs of earmuffs] WHAT?