@samalmightysam: Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
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@GodDammitDanny: To the guy who just followed me with "Conservative, God-loving, pro-life" in his bio... are you sure you want to do this?
@theevilwriter: Getting married lost its appeal as soon as I figured out that acquiring a maid of honor wasn't going to get my floors washed.
@BadAssB48546279: Headed to police station to go through mugshots for a date tonight. I don't trust ChristianMingle.
@WheelTod: Prank: if you're standing at a busy intersection light beside a guy staring at his phone take 2 steps forward & see if he walks into traffic