@samalmightysam: Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
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@ojedge: [puts puppy in microwave] [googles instructions for making hotdogs] [quickly releases puppy from microwave]
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "Tell me one of your long term goals" Sleeping "No, I meant-" *leans in way too close* My answer isn't going to change
@Matt_the_1st: Use your whole data plan each month. There are children in China that have no data plan