@DanDoofus: Twitter is over Capacity! Well, so's my liver but you don't see me slowing down because of it.
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@EndhooS: 11 y/o Daughter: [opens xmas present] uh..cable ties? Wife: she asked for a pony.. Me: a pony? ..SHE CAN'T EVEN LOOK AFTER HER CABLES LINDA
@IvoryGazelle: I push everything I have across the table and confidently call "all in". "Omg, for the last time, this is chess"
@BarryVonAwesome: I don't consider it a good night out if it doesn't end up as a super villain's origin story
@TheHyyyype: *young people decide to avoid hard drugs and lead healthier lifestyles* BUSINESS INSIDER HEADLINE: millenials are killing the meth industry