@hmmwalsh: Twitter is perfect for men, because with men brevity is key. Beyond 140 characters they know they're going to say something wrong.
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@mjkspeaks: [arguing with friend about chemistry] *cop walks up* do we have a problem here? Me: No. We will find a solution once you argon, officer.
@bigmacher: #MyRoommateIsWeird she keeps having babies and making me take care of them. She also insists I call her 'Wife'
@StaceyShortcake: The last time I was 100% sure about a decision was in 3rd grade, and that box of 64 crayons with the built in sharpener didn't disappoint.
@Mr_Bucky: My weird paranoid neighbor, shreds all her mail and closes all the shades. But never locks her basement window.