@ParentEsq: Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: I hate it when you tell someone that you'll always be there for them and then they call you to help move
@JennyJohnsonHi5: This woman got so offended when I asked if I could pet her son, like I'm the one who put him on a leash.
@POTerritory: Him: You put feathers of a crow in this drink? Me: Yes, I made sure they all came from 1 crow. It's... Him: Please don't. Me: ...single molt