@mrtruthandsoul: Twitter is the government's elaborate plan to keep us all off the streets
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@Nickadoo: When a friend dies, I'm not sure if I should unfriend them on Facebook or occasionally "poke" them to see if they're still dead.
@Book_Krazy: Me: Do you have any dreams? Him:...I'm running on a giant hamster wheel and a squirrel wearing a tuxedo comes... Me: ASPIRATIONS YOU IDIOT
@SufficientCharm: What do you mean you're not going to spank me? I mouthed off and everything. What kind of man are you?
@Adar79Angie: The security camera at work has "too many instances" of me acting like a dinosaur on film. And "any amount" is "too many." According to HR.