@mrtruthandsoul: Twitter is the government's elaborate plan to keep us all off the streets
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@hazelmotes1: My coworker left my office an hour ago, but the smell of his cologne remains, like some kind of douchbag ghost.
@tastefactory: GUY 1: I beat cancer GUY 2: I backpacked thru Europe GUY 1: So what? GUY 2: And I didn't tell anyone about it when I got back GUY 1: You win
@rockymomax: [freezing huddled around fire] Dont worry I brought blankets to keep us warm *throws blankets on fire* that should last a good half hour