@Hormonella: Twitter is the new flypaper.
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@oakhillbargrill: Son: I'm addicted to morphing Dad: Oh God no, are you smoking it, injecting it? Son: No Dad,not Morphine Dad: what? Son: *turns into bat
@TheAlexP: * see weird traffic pattern * turns down radio * smoothly avoids gargantuan pothole * runs over sign saying avoid gargantuan pothole
@DanMentos: "You've reached 911" Knock knock "Sir ple-" Knock knock "This is not-" Knock knock "ok, who's there?" Ben "Ben who" Ben shot real bad "NICE"
@KevinFarzad: Following politics is fun cuz it combines the entertainment of reality TV with the thrill of possibly dying in real life