@Hormonella: Twitter is the new flypaper.
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@causticbob: Today I learned my laser pointer can go all the way to the bar across the street. Drunk people still think there's a sniper somewhere.
@MartaEffing: I know you've been here. I can smell you, still taste you on my lips. I crave more, but it's over now. Also, you're a donut. And I ate you.
@Laser_Cat: All the girls I've ever kissed can agree on one thing. It's weird that I have a beak.
@aissalanis: Asking my friends for advice then turning around and asking the internet when I don’t like their answer.