@shanethevein: Twitter is what happens when you take the red pill and the blue pill.
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@dinnersruined: How to lose a gf: Gf: which of my friends would be the most fun to have a 3some with? Me: *names two of them*
@suzieQ0007: My 4yo just noticed me trying to throw out an old, wrecked piece of Lego & by the look he gave me I'm afraid to go to sleep now.
@KentWGraham: Whenever I skip a day on the treadmill, I add the 25 minutes to the next day. Tomorrow, I will be running until 2026.
@GingerAtLaw: No no, I'm not going to pay for these hot wings, I discovered them and you JUST GOT COLUMBUSED