@shadonium: Twitter should have " Throwing tomato" button.
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@Death_Buddy: Three ways to tell if you're dating an Octopus: 1. They give awesome hugs 2. They have no skeleton 3. Every date is at the aquarium
@TitansHomer: Wife: What's the Harlem shake? Me: I don't know, I think they sell them at Burger King?
@realHamOnWry: What did I learn getting fired today? Never walk behind your boss, poke his bald spot and yell, "Hey, you've got a hole in your haircut".