@shadonium: Twitter should have " Throwing tomato" button.
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@checkyourfox: I'm sorry I got you birth control for Christmas and said it was my gift to the world.
@Carbosly: When I leave a plane, I tighten the belts before I leave so that whoever sits there next will think "wow, whoever sat here was very thin".
@baycontaco: Smartphones don't prevent people from feeling alive and getting in touch with nature. I just walked into a tree.
@toomanytoes: What does Mario spend all those gold coins on? He has one outfit, travels by foot & lives in the sewer