@_correctomundo: Twitter should send notifications when you're about to get fired and divorced.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars Me: That’d wreck the economy 5: I just- Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation
@Jmboyd58: *Jesus multiplies a loaf of bread for the masses* From the back: Actually I'm gluten free now. Jesus: ughhh, someone get me a fish
@CherBear162: Hubby has an alarm app where you can record your own sounds or music to wake up to. I just changed his to "THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!"