@burntmybagel: Twitter: something to read when people are talking to you.
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@FeralCrone: An alien makes contact. I take it home, give it a sandwich. Then ice cream. And then, to show we're an advanced race, an ice cream sandwich.
@DurtMcHurtt: Hobos are like cats, they'll let you pet them until you stop feeding them cat food.
@jakob_huber: You'd think Bowser would start locking the front door of his castle after the first time Mario just walked right in like he owned the joint.