@burntmybagel: Twitter: something to read when people are talking to you.
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@DirtMcTurd: [Hospital front desk] "Yeah my wife is here for weight loss surg-" *wife hits me* "Baby delivery, I mean she's here to deliver a baby"
@pinupteacher: Teachers at school: She seems to be expressing an inner need for control. Teachers at a bar: I want to punch that kid in the face.