@ShoutingGoddess: Twitter: The addiction that talks back.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@david8hughes: [1st day as lifeguard] Guy: there's someone drowning in the water Me [not looking up from phone]: well it'd be hard to drown in the sand
@HiddenPinky: Will I ever be a good parent? *shakes baby* Wait a minute, if you're here [cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]
@HockeyTornado: I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don't want people to recognize me when I'm pooping.
@kirstiealley: I thought I found a baby owl today that needed help. He was an adult pigmy owl who let me pick him up then clawed and bit me. He is free now