@JustaFunEscape: Twitter to me is like the Bermuda triangle. I don't know how I got here and I'm not even sure where "here" is.
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@kumailn: "I'll be a dentist. Then they'll love me." "We're terrified of dentists." "I'll kill a lion!" "It was a beloved lion with a name." "Dammit."
@AmishPornStar1: "What if we just throw some pretty-colored marshmallows in with some cat food?" -inventor of Lucky Charms
@nealbrennan: People hate me at B’way musicals because when the characters break into song, I always shout, “You don’t have to do this. Just talk to us.”
@OakHill_: Me: I can't believe you read horoscopes, such garbage. Her: You're right. When are you shaving again? Me: Not til after the playoffs..why?