@JustaFunEscape: Twitter to me is like the Bermuda triangle. I don't know how I got here and I'm not even sure where "here" is.
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@ProdigyNelson: Her: when you said "magical in bed" this isn't exactly what I was exp- Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card Her: *softly* holy shit
@carlyken: If your kid complains about how bored they are during winter break put a cape on them and say, "Now you're super bored!" and then fly away.
@DaddyJew: Waitress: what will it be? Me: I'll have the rum cake but with the rum on the side W: so u want a glass of rum & a cupcake? M: yes please