@JustaFunEscape: Twitter to me is like the Bermuda triangle. I don't know how I got here and I'm not even sure where "here" is.
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@protolalia: My ex DM'd me to say I'm acting creepy then unfollowed me. Luckily, I have his password so I just refollowed myself and told him he's wrong.
@Izianikapani: Australia is touted as a great model of gun control but no one mentions our unlimited access to boomerangs.
@causticbob: Today I learned my laser pointer can go all the way to the bar across the street. Drunk people still think there's a sniper somewhere.