@JustaFunEscape: Twitter to me is like the Bermuda triangle. I don't know how I got here and I'm not even sure where "here" is.
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@RandomAntics: My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
@zgbetty: The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
@ashmensch: This lady at the Edible Arrangement store acts like no one's ever asked for a corn dog bouquet before.
@daemonic3: DATE: This is my first time at a French restaurant ME: I feel like I've been here once before DATE: Are you having deja vu? ME: No I'm having the chicken