@JustaFunEscape: Twitter to me is like the Bermuda triangle. I don't know how I got here and I'm not even sure where "here" is.
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@moose_chocolate: The E. coli in the city water supply means I am just one glass away from my goal weight.
@TheTweetOfGod: Warning: the life you are about to lead contains strong language, adult situations and nudity. Exister discretion is advised.
@iYoungKhalifa: Saw a man at the beach screaming, "SAVE ME..I'm drowning". I instantly uploaded his pic, captioned "1 like = 100 prayers" on facebook..!!
@E_lok44: If you want your uninvited guests to leave, seat them comfortably in the basement, then go upstairs and watch TV.