@TravLeBlanc: Twitter: where 20-year standup comedy vets get out-funnyed by accountants, college kids, junkies, & unemployed single moms on a daily basis.
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@ShutUpThatsWho: [ad for umbrellas] [cut to me trying to swat away raindrops, just getting totally wet] "There must be a better way!" Voiceover: UMBRELLAS
@WilliamAder: If I'm ever captured as a spy, all they'd have to do to get me to talk is put my house slipper on the wrong foot.
@krisv_723: Everyone on FB is posting the status- I voted. I guess it's truthful Tuesday so I posted- I once killed a hobo & hid his body in a barrel.