@TravLeBlanc: Twitter: where 20-year standup comedy vets get out-funnyed by accountants, college kids, junkies, & unemployed single moms on a daily basis.
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@JermHimselfish: I got everyone a pet snake for Christmas but you have to catch it, they're in my house, they're everywhere, please come get your snake.
@mustachewine: I laugh like a dumbass every time I hear the term 'manhole'. Maturity will not be reached.
@michaelianblack: When Pink Floyd sings, "just another brick in the wall," it's a little bit demeaning to bricks.
@alfageeek: When a dish comes out of the dishwasher still dirty, I just put it back in for another round, because I believe in second chances.