@ariscott: Twitter's original name was "Sentence Contest"
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@Deurb1: While fixing my neighbors car I asked her for a screwdriver... She asked if I had orange juice. We've been dating since.
@AndyRichter: At Fantastic Beasts & some nerds are in Hogwarts robes so I don't know why they're giving me the stink eye for my Wonder Woman outfit
@SaraESpivey: I may eat animals, but at least I wait until they're DEAD. Plants are ALIVE, vegans. You disgust me.
@daemonic3: Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.