@ariscott: Twitter's original name was "Sentence Contest"
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@Birdhumms: "Happy Anniversary to you both, may you have a long marriage with many more years ahead" she hexed.
@TheMichaelRock: Your kid is allergic to gluten? Big deal. Mine are allergic to putting things back where they belong.
@mrjohntofu: Apparently telling someone you'll catch their next wedding is unacceptable, whatevers.
@ilovepie84: After killing a spider I wrap the web around his neck and hang him from the wall to make it look like a suicide.