@BeardSpice: "Two birds with one stone, how about all the birds" God thinks, hurling an asteroid toward Earth
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@desi_princess: I told my boss I'm calling in sick today. He said, "You can't do that when you're already here." Is that true you guys?
@tigersgoroooar: hate when the barista asks "do you want whipped cream?" it feels there are only two answers: "yes please, i'm fat." or "no thanks, i'm fat."
@RandomBest: "I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.