@causticbob: Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
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@90spideypool: when you're jamming to an old-school r&b song and someone older than you ask "what you know about this?" me:
@TweetingDadGuy: When my daughter gets older, she will have a camera phone OR a mirror. Not both. Thanks for the advice Twitter.
@DaddyJew: Doctor: are u high? Me: no, why? D: bc ur dressed like Batman M: well maybe Batman dresses like me D:... M: alright yea im a lil high