@IvankaTrump: Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
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@Contwixt: If you tell me your kid is 22 months and I buy it a beer, that's on you. That is your bad.
@jeffreyvanclea1: if a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ..i just get in the back seat
@chrizmillr: Weird how Superman's an alien but looks exactly like a white dude & then he landed in Kansas & not say, mainland China
@bobvulfov: [cop taps on my fogged up car window on make-out hill] ME: *alone holding a huge steamy bucket of fried chicken* what's the problem officer