@IvankaTrump: Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
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@mzeld: The worst is when you text someone and they text you back 2 hrs later but you already keyed their car and emailed their secrets to everyone.
@fro_vo: Wife: he has no sense of adventure. he even refuses to ride a roller coaster Therapist: go on Me: oh so you're taking her side now
@carlyken: Doctor: This patient needs exercise. Get him a walker. No that's a zombie I wanted a walk-oh I see what you did there, nurse [Everyone dies]