@histwaddle: Two cans of Red Bull may give you x-ray vision, but five cans give you the ability to hear oxygen.
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@aecide: Killing mosquitoes by smashing them in mid-air as they fly by is so satisfying until you accidentally hit a person in the head.
@WittySassBasket: M: HEY, DID YOU REMEMBER CONDOMS? H: FFS, use your inside voice M: *whispers* did you remember condoms? H: can this wait til after mass?
@SortaBad: John: Yesterday... Paul: All my troubles seemed so far away George: But now it looks... Ringo: Waterslides hurt if they aren't wet enough