@PeaceInTruth1: Two heads aren't better than one if you're both stupid.
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@JasonIsbell: People always say “unceremoniously fired” like it ever happens any other way. I’d like to see a big ceremony for firing somebody. Get the gang together. Order a cake. Wear some special robes.
@KarenKilgariff: There’s a lady on my NextDoor app who likes to jump into long threads and write “can we please stop talking about this” with increasing frustration while everyone ignores her and I love her so much
@newportdaddy: Michelle Obama & Melania Trump meeting: *shaking hands* Michelle: Hi, I'm Michelle. Melania: Hi, I'm Michelle.
@SteveKoehler22: For fun, the next time you have an attractive waitress- Order a "quickie" then act surprised when she tells you it's pronounced "quiche"