@vikkaroni: "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I?
I took a nap until I finally heard a car coming."
@Loli_Sug: There should be a "shame" setting on showerheads.
@envydatropic: It's cute how I ordered 2 drinks and the bartender asked if I wanted to wait for the other person to be seated
@ClamDive: Blood is thicker than water, so I'm going to have to use Comet on this bathtub
@WigCannon: What if the missing plane is still up there?
Did you check the sky?
See, this is why you'll never advance, Kevin.
@dru0887: When someone says “No Biggie”, I reply with “not since ‘97” and immediately break down crying