@vikkaroni: "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I?
I took a nap until I finally heard a car coming."
@omgthatspunny: The Black Death was the best disease. Any attempts to replicate it are just plague-iarism.
@iTomFoolery: I mixed coffee with Red Bull, now I can see the invisible things my kitten pounces on.
@TheTweetOfGod: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." - A man who owned other men.
@jonnysun: in other news: 8 hours from now, half the country will be screaming about tragedy and loss b/c some dudes didnt catch a ball enough times
@itsWillyFerrell: Nice tan, what's your race? Carrot?