@Fuzzy_sue: Two tips for faster jogging: hot guy in front of you and creepy dude behind
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@cmfh111: me: I am going to get so much done... same me: *loads two forks into the dishwasher* ...tomorrow.
@TheTalkingPipe: The milk in my fridge went bad. It beat up my orange juice and started selling meth to all the condiments.
@GreyDeLisle: I'll never be as horrified as the kid who suddenly realizes they've been following the wrong "mom butt" at the grocery store.
@cjwerleman: Boy, ISIS are going to be pissed when they find out New Atheists talk about God more than them.