@gerryhallcomedy: Two years ago I became a proud father. My son is 6, but he was kinda lame those first four years.
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@yoyoha: Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
@BoozeWallet: [pretending to talk on phone while mugger approaches] yeah, so then they told me that my Karate is just too deadly for the Olympics
@MrSpoonicorn: *picks up the bagel again* sorry i gotta take this one *leaves office & talks on the bagel for 15 minutes solid*
@Iffy_hazard: Have been an Arsenal fan for barely an hour and I'm already frustrated,how have they been coping for the past decade?😭