@gerryhallcomedy: Two years ago I became a proud father. My son is 6, but he was kinda lame those first four years.
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@Brianhopecomedy: The most stressful part of my day is when my 5 year old shows me what he made in Arts & Crafts and I have to guess what it is.
@LetMeStart: Parenthood is mostly reminding the kids "no eating on the couch" while you're eating on the couch & agreeing with them that life isn't fair.
@JoParkerBear: Protect your Twitter account from plagiarism by only tweeting things that nobody cares about.
@lecalabara: You people that are getting laid regularly either need to keep that stuff to yourselves or be more descriptive.