@gerryhallcomedy: Two years ago I became a proud father. My son is 6, but he was kinda lame those first four years.
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@tsm560: Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
@RichHarris2: You can't force someone to love you. All you can do is hire a panda suit and wait outside their window reading sonnets.
@MableGertrude: If I was a bodybuilder I would slather up with grease and slide to work instead of driving to save money.
@NoogsCorner: 1) Put index and thumb together. 2) Place them where nose meets forehead. 3) Close eyes. 4) Sigh. 5) Check to see if person still talking.