@mofrorock: "Two's company, three's a crowd" - people who've never seen a crowd
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@onelongbender: This woman at work sounds just like me. I'm going to pay her to call my Mom and occasionally say mmhmm and how nice.
@bourgeoisalien: When man made the first stone tool 2.6 million years ago, I don’t think they could have ever imagined a tool as great as Donald Trump.
@Epygma: *i get chased into a dark alley* Please no *two men walk up to me holding a knife* "If you join our insurance you can save up to-" NOOOOOOO
@liv_thatsme: I wish I had a black stallion, so any time I got really pissed, I could angrily ride along the ocean.