@mofrorock: "Two's company, three's a crowd" - people who've never seen a crowd
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@david8hughes: [phone rings] "Mr Hughes?" "Yeah." "We need u to come pick yr son up from school." "Ugh. Whats he done now?" "Nothing. Its nearly midnight."
@corinnemlwsw: "there's nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
@tastefactory: Young mom: My baby is 34 months Me: Oh really I'm 407 months yeah I hope you like doing math you piece of shit
@ShutUpThatsWho: ME: I know it's probably the beer talking, but you look beautiful tonight! BEER: Hey buddy, don't be putting words in my mouth now.