@pleatedjeans: U can give out anything on Halloween it doesn't have to be candy last year I gave a kid my cable bill it was awesome he paid it & everything
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@runawaycupcake: If I had known what cleaning a toilet is like with a husband and two sons I would've become a lesbian.
@TheToddWilliams: COP: Do you realize you were speeding back there? ME: Can you be sure it wasn't just the planet slowing down? COP: I'm listening
@iwearaonesie: wife: know what today is? me: yep wife: on 2 together: 1, 2 wife: Happy Anniver.. me: 3 MONTHS UNTIL.. wife:..sary me: wife: me: ..Santa
@BuckyIsotope: *watches TV* GET AN ANONYMOUS ONLINE QUOTE NOW! *logs on* "You're a giant idiot and your parents are very disappointed in you" - Anonymous