@smashbrown_: U2 just announced their world tour. Do I need to buy tickets or are they going to break into my house and start playing?
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@KateWhineHall: Just finished up some dusting. And by dusting I mean I blew on a shelf and then sneezed 6 times in a row.
@KentWGraham: After Jaws, I wouldn’t go in water. After the Godfather, I wouldn’t eat at Italian restaurants. I wish I’d seen the Omen before having kids.
@pizzajaynow: She asked me to buy Tampons so I bought Kotex, because that one time I wanted ice cream and she bought frozen yogurt.
@ghostkrogh: isaac newtown got hit in the head & invented calculus. i broke my nose last night when I was drunk & invented a louder version of crying.