@mstern68: Uber is driving me to drink. Literally.
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@CopBroughtPizza: "even if my client did kill his wife, think of the 7.4 billion people he DIDN'T kill." - my first and last day as a defense attorney
@CornOnTheGoblin: [Struts in lookin fly as heck in my speedo, shower cap and armfull of baby dolls struts out with new understanding of the term baby shower]
@Sal0630: Me: Baby I know you had a long day so I drew you a bath Her: Ah I can't wait to take it *hands her paper* Me: I used your eyeliner pencil