@RdrJay47: *Ubers to my parking spot at Costco*
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@SteveSackington: For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to 'Brandy from the club' then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am. #topahole
@SaraESpivey: I turned my phone onto "Airplane Mode" and threw it into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.
@illuminatedwndr: cop pulls me over 2nite. comes 2 my window n asks, Cop: "do you know y i pulled u over?" Me: "because Batman is catching all the criminals"