@RdrJay47: *Ubers to my parking spot at Costco*
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@FishySnowborder: I like my women with curves. Those skinny ones are alway mad cause they're hungry.
@SmokeyDokey43: 1:40am. I get up to pee and step on a squeaky dog toy. He grabs a bat by the bed and yells, "Fried chicken!" So are the days of our lives.
@sarbeaaaar: MY DENTIST ASKED HIS ASSISTANT TO SUCTION (THE WATER OUT OF MY MOUTH)BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING TO ME SO I SUCKED HIS FINGER. IM MORTIFIED