@RdrJay47: *Ubers to my parking spot at Costco*
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@eminmien: "What do you get if you cross a monkey and a lion?" I glance nervously over to the basement door, afraid she's seen something she shouldn't.
@avaricious1: I saw a spider in my bedroom so I did what any man would do... I got in an argument with my wife so I could sleep on the couch.
@MsSkarsgaard: Lick it. LICK IT FASTER! - parents who let their kids have ice cream cones in the car