@theshamingofjay: Ugh, Amazon Prime takes two whole days for delivery. I wish there was a way I could buy things and get them immediately.
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@jwoodham: DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C'mon. Not even celery wants to be celery.
@aka_fatman: "...so when the plane crashed, we had to do the unthinkable to survive." "Eat human corpses?" [flashback to eating quinoa] "Y...yes."
@KentWGraham: You act like no one at work has ever asked you to apply ointment to a bunion before.
@dril: broke secret sevrice guy turns his pocket inside out and strangles an assassin with it. opens wallet and unleashes a torrent of moths at him