@SamuelHlowe: Ugh! I always think of the best comebacks when I'm burying the body.
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@preciousadidas: Biden: So here's the plan, I'll tackle him and you go in for the knockout Obama: Joe please. Biden: too far? Okay what about- Obama
@KeetPotato: "we lost your dad during surgery im very sorry" ha, hes always wandering off "no he.." *holds up one finger while on phone* dad ring me back
@tedalexandro: We get it. If your candidate doesn't win in November, you're moving to the whitest English speaking country you can drive to.
@living_marble: Dearest wife, The war on Christmas goes well. We found an elf stronghold & cut off its candy cane supply lines. Last night, they ate Donner.