@SamuelHlowe: Ugh! I always think of the best comebacks when I'm burying the body.
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@HomeProbably: The human liver can withstand up to 97% damage and make a full recovery. Yet not one doctor will accept this as an argument for alcoholism.
@Chumpstring: SON: can i yell bomb at the airport DAD: no SON: can i yell boom DAD: what's wrong with u SON: how about "my dad smokes weed" DAD: boom's ok
@J0hnnyBlaze: 10:00pm *gets a snack* 10:01pm *turns on tv* 10:02pm *glances at twitter for 8 seconds* February
@JoeMande: "Make it look like I live in a Cheesecake Factory." - NBA players to their interior designers