@shutupmikeginn: Ugh I hate living next to an art school I dragged an old couch outside and a bunch of dudes came over and they're just taking pictures of it
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@travisauruss: MAN TO LIZARD: "SO I HEAR YOU'RE IN FLOORING SALES" LIZARD: "IM MORE IN PROMOTION" MAN: "WHAT DO YOU DO" LIZARD: "I REP TILE"
@BooFricketyHoo: I'm on Twitter because my brother got a chemistry set for christmas when he was little and I got plaid pants.
@Brianhopecomedy: Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old's lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
@the_couch_guy: People of Twitter: If you worry that you aren't creative enough, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.