@abrosenthal: Ugh Starbucks spelled my name right again and now I have nothing to Instagram.
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@shutupmikeginn: My funeral instructions to my family were to have me cremated, and I told my best friends under no circumstances should I be cremated.
@susie_meister: If we eliminated, "Is your car running ok?" from our conversations, my dad and I would never speak.
@lecalabara: Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.