@abrosenthal: Ugh Starbucks spelled my name right again and now I have nothing to Instagram.
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@oakhillbargrill: Pillow 1: I hate their big heads Pillow 2: And that dandruff Pillow 1: Sometimes he puts me between his legs Pillow 2: GROSS *Pillow Talk
@WhatsHerFace33: Friend - You smell nice, what's that perfume you're wearing? Me - Fear and fabric softener.
@HitsBelowBelt: You know that feeling you get when you meet someone and your heart skips a beat? Ya, that's arrhythmia. You can die from that.