@FeelingMervis: UGH. When I text girls that I have standards, I really need to stop abbreviating the word standards to STDs.
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@boredbostonian: I'm glad nothing I own was made with my own two hands because I really like having hands.
@Donna_McCoy: I just smile when someone says I eat like a horse, because it's hard to argue through a mouthful of sugar cubes.
@nerdreign: Preparing a work evaluation for someone who adds shit to my day on a regular. Wondering if "inbred whackadoodle" paints a full picture.
@TalibJim: Guys WhatsApp status be like "at the gym" since 2014.... Brother are you going to fight Brock Lesnar or just trying to get 12 pack??!!!