@NicCageMatch: Ugh why is my bag so heavy? *goes through bag* ok keys, wallet, book, sandwich, water, anvil, other sandwich, human baby, no I need all this
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@chadopitz: Tom Cruise does all of his own stunts because death is the only way out of the Church of Scientology.
@DirtMcTurd: I took my family out to an authentic Chinese restaurant. My wife and I had chow mein and my daughter built 3 iPhones
@StansaidAirport: The 9:50 from Paris has been diverted. Nothing to do with the weather, we just don't like the French.