@bigmacher: Ugly sweater day at work. I'm wearing a new, really nice expensive sweater but walking around saying "ugh, please, this old thing."
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@Lpbinder: People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
@pbear79: [first date] Her: I like a guy who knows what he wants Me: I'm going to get the bacon cheeseburger Her: Me: Is that not what you meant?
@Marcmywords2: Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ............no matter how magnificent they look.
@Matt_The_1st: Can I take your order? Yeah, lemme get a McRib and a large Coke. Sir, this is Wallgreens OK, make it a bottle of Xanax, and some Pringles