@bigmacher: Ugly sweater day at work. I'm wearing a new, really nice expensive sweater but walking around saying "ugh, please, this old thing."
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@sarcasticmommy4: I do this really cute thing, where if I walk by a car that has a stick figure family on their back window, I peel a kid off.
@GonzoVice: There is a huge body of evidence to support the notion that me and the police were put on this earth to do extremely different things.
@IziBoy121: I bought a blowup doll today, but I won't blow her up until tomorrow. I don't want to seem desperate.