@rysox80: Uh oh, happy facebook newlywed, your husband just created a twitter account.
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@Cheeseboy22: My son just told me he's changing his clock to military time so he can stay up later. He is not a smart boy.
@lloydrang: By age 30, most men have found that one special hairstyle they want to spend the rest of their life with.
@XplodingUnicorn: Optometrist: Any questions about laser eye surgery? Me: How big of lasers will my eyes shoot? Him: Me: Him: How much money do you have?
@Dutch_50: Ask someone how they're doing & they'll say fine. Share with them a random health issue & wait for the 20 min dissertation on their ailment.