@rysox80: Uh oh, happy facebook newlywed, your husband just created a twitter account.
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@joeljeffrey: [Eating] Waiter: How's the meal? Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...
@notnuthin: old lady: that's not necessary me: [installing twitter on her phone] look lady i carried your bags, the least u can do is follow me online
@capricecrane: I bet that Heimlich was just a perv who molested people from behind, and one time accidentally saved someone from choking.