@weismanjake: "Um, thanks?" -A woman who posed for a Picasso painting
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@clindsaysway: We got a tornado warning, and I'm too scared to open my windows. Don't want any sharks in my house.
@craydrienne: My Mexican waiter put my food down in front of another white lady who looked nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait that's not my waiter.
@KalvinMacleod: HUSBAND 911: what your emergency? ME: my wife hears everything HUSBAND 911: do I? ME: what? HUSBAND 911: what?